Ezio the lyricist

I am a tactless mistrel
I sing offkey for coins
If you spot me on the street
Please kick me in the loins

I can’t believe I stand here
And sing my time I waste
But you who sit and smile at me
Sincerely have no taste

Vieri, oh Vieri
Yes, he of Pazzi fame
Was just as mad as his old man 
And ended just the same

Konstantiniyye I beg you
Let Byzantium endure
Constantine’s corpse would turn
Had not Istanbul the cure 

Young Cesare, I heard him say,
Could not be killed by man
So I tossed him through the air
To see where he might land

Cesare, o Cesare,
A man of great depravity
Believed himself immortal ‘til
He had a date with gravity

I’m dressed up like a jester
I act the fool and mime
All the actions of those I curse
And run down all the time

Proud Romania’s iron lady
A rose of tempered steel
Could raise the ardor of a corpse
And teach a stone to feel

I sing in Italiano,
You understand no word
But my Greek is nonexistant
And my Turkish is absurd

While traveling through Forlì
I took her at her leisure
She said it’s strictly business
Such business was my pleasure

There once was a man named Duccio
A rat with lecherous taste
When he would show himself
My fist would find his face

Valencia’s grim Doge
A fierce and evil man
Was just a trifle red of face
When I upset his plan

Before Rodrigo was the Pope
He was a man of vices
And once he gained the holy seat
He raised his vices’ prices

A minstrel song, I’ve heard them say
Brings maidens by the score
But luck deserts me when I play
They hasten to the door

I will sing in praise of children
I will croon in praise of dames
I will chant in praise of mighty men
When I recall their names

Fair Lucrezia could not sate
Her appetite for lovers
But I suspect she would be fine
With two or three more brothers!

O the beauties of Firenze
Can melt a heart, you’ll se
Beware the girls of Roma
Lest fire you wish to pee

To judge a lady’s character
Note well her company
If you should wish to seem the sage
Come spend the night with me

The things I do to save the world
Surprise me time to time
Like learning how to play the lute
And making these words rhyme

No one understands my plight
The life of a musician
Singing for impatient men
A terminal condition

i just heard an npc complaining about how his clothes were randomly generated omfg

There is a lesson here: do not pester big, scary, vicious people.

The smartest bystander NPC I’ve ever met

i had to leave the console for a bit and long story short ezio’s been treading water for 2 or 3 days straight

Enjoy Ezio because Connor is boring dog shit

Yeah but that’s what you say about Desmond who’s my favourite character so far D:

ezio’s fine but i wanna get to connor and edward goddammit

i have one more whole game to get through before i can

i’ve been putting it off >______>

kinda like how i wanna get to the chairman/alluka arcs in hxh but i have to slog though the chimera ant arc first so i haven’t watched it at all w h o o p s

and just skipping ahead and reading spoilers feels like cheating

i guess i’ll get back to revelations for the first time this week :P

I’ve been various shades of sad all day. 

I couldn’t sleep and eventually gave up and consoled myself with the idea of going garage saling with my mom for an hour or so, since i’d mentioned it to her and I’m feeling better… but she got back way later than I thought she would, and when i asked, she said she’s leaving in 10 minutes for the rest of the day

so i have nothign to do the rest of the day but go back to bed and wait until it’s late enough to fall asleep